A Spooky NFL Rhyme, For Halloween Time
Is there anywhere more frightening
Than the home of Roger Goodell
He rules with a pitchfork
From his throne in Hell
You could be mauled in the midway
So, visitors beware
For the last thing you see
Could be the jaws of a bear
In the jungle of Cincinnati
Be on the lookout for a cat with stripes
You can't hear the tiger
When he's hunting, day or night
By the shore a seahawk squawks
As he tears meat from the bone
With 12 men behind him
He will never eat alone
If you decide to board a ship
Flying silver and black
Say goodbye to your loved ones
You are never coming back
In Maryland you find yourself
Close to the Atlantic shore
What's that you hear rap-rapping
Outside on your door
In New York City you'd be wise
not to lose your head
The Giants there will grind
your bones to make their bread
Or maybe you'll find green
Is what the Meadowlands call best
Should you dare take on
The J - E - T - S, Jets
Wisconsin has history
That will make you buckle at the knees
A spirit that will haunt you
With a head that's made of cheese
Keep your distance from pickaxes
You might hear a miner say
And beware of the Niner
Whose home is by the Bay
If it's Frankenstein you fear
Or maybe it's his wife
It was a bolt from LA
That brought them both to life
It's not swamps down in Florida
But pawprints that you should worry
The jowls of a jaguar
Will consume you in a hurry
It's not a murder you should fear
If Atlanta is your home
A different black bird rules there
stalking in it's dome
Avoid the Graceland home
Where Elvis Pressley stayed
The power of the Titans
makes even Gods afraid
The twin cities are the land
to a crew that rows unfazed
while they pillage and they plunder
donning purple, white, and maize
Named for an arrow's tip
A field where you can't hear a thing
But a crowd that haunts and mocks you
As they chant and sing
Are those goosebumps that you feel?
It's a danger that is quite real
Who knows what you will find lurking
behind a curtain made of steel
In Detroit you'll find that nowhere
Is a safe place to hide
For stalking around the field
You will find a powerful pride
Indianapolis is waiting
Or their opponents to make blunders
Their heard of Colts stampeding
Running loud as thunder
Hide from screeching in Philadelphia
If you know what's in store
The attack from the air is swift
Then soar, eagles, soar
Outside Boston waves a warning
Whether by land or sea
Six banners that fly high
The last true dynasty
In Tampa there's marauders
And their barracks hold your fate
When you hear the cannon boom
Just know, it is too late
Carolina plays the home
To a terrifying cat
That hunts it's prey at night
A panther, the color, black
Over a mile up above
The rest of the league
The air is so thing
That only Broncos can breathe
No Mardi Gras awaits
Unfortunate travelling teams
Who dare to challenge the Saints
In the heart of New Orleans
In Miami, dorsal fins
in the water, protect South Beach
But it's not sharks that you should fear
It's bottlenosed shrieks
In DC there aren't followers
ho will back down, who will yield
Only the worlds best commanders
On patrol, upon the field
You'll find in the heart of Texas
A champion awaits
A lone star on the helmet
For the lone star state
In upper portions of New York
Winter will break your will
And you will find you have no answers
For the Buffalo Bills
The desert sun scorches
Destroying where it flashes
And the cardinals will rise up
Like a phoenix from the ashes
In Houston there are Texans
Leaders of all men
They will sack you and they'll crush you
Then they'll do it all again
In the city of angels
Beware the curly horns
Rams there are not friendly
You can now say that you've been warned
There are terrors that will haunt you
On each of the 32 teams
They're not just hungry, they are starving
Goodnight, and sweet dreams